I got to spend the day up in Long Beach, with Heather.  Though our plans of going to the aquarium fell through (because there were hundreds of school kids there) I still got to spend the day with her.  Every single time she looked at me, I could feel my stomach do flip-flops.  I’m so totally confused about what she might feel for me… but, I know exactly how I feel.  Being at her house was strange.  Last time I was there, and in her bedroom, we had a wonderful time that I will NEVER forget.  We were sitting on her bed, next to each other, looking at books on her shelf.  And all I could think about was how much I wish that she would kiss me.  I’m pathetic… I know.  I’m crazy in-love with this woman.  I pray that I am not setting myself up for an even worse heartbreak. 

While I was up in Long Beach, the doctors office, here in SD, called Heather.  The bone for her ankle replacement is good… so, she will be checking into the hospital this coming Monday, for surgery.  I’m going to be there, for her, during the surgery, and after (and hopefully I will get to spend even a few moments with her before hand).  I’m so anxious for her to have this surgery.  I see her in pain, and it hurts me.  I pray that this surgery will work, and that Heather will be able to start walking again, without pain.  She deserves to have her life back.   All because some damn teenager was driving, without a license or insurance, blew through a light and destroyed the quality of Heather’s life.  And, she isn’t even in trouble for it.  How fair is that?  So, I truly hope that this surgery is a medical success, and that, soon, Heather will be pain free.

Have you ever given your heart to another, and felt so completely lost in them that you can feel them walking within the very essence of your soul? Do they dominate your thoughts, and appear in a starring role in all of your dreams? Can you see yourself, sitting on a porch swing, next to them… growing old, at their side? Do you feel like you’re complete when you’re in their presence, and find it hard to breathe when you part? Do you ache for that next moment when you will see them again, and see a smile light their face up? Do you find such utter beauty when you gaze into their eyes? Are they the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen, no matter what they look like?

She is all those things, and so much more, to my heart. And just a few hours with her… walking along the beach, and talking, are like a piece of heaven given to me, to hold close in my heart and mind, until I see her the next time. Seven months, and I STILL feel crazy about her. And I don’t think that it’s going to change any time soon.

Happy Memorial Day… and thank you, to allllllllllllllllllll the men and women, for several years, for fighting to keep us here and safe. Thank you for the daily sacrifices you make for us… even at the cost of being away from your families, staying away for long amounts of time, injury, and even death.

Tonight, I went over to a friends house, with my mom. We watched the documentary film on Grey Gardens… and it was amazing, yet quite disturbing. If you’ve not seen this documentary, I HIGHLY recommend you rent it. Next, mom and I are going to watch the movie that was made from this whole story/documentary, staring Jessica Lange and Drew Barrymore. I can’t wait to see it. If you don’t know what this is about, here’s a little info for you:

DOCEMENTARY:
Grey Gardens (1975)
The Maysles brothers pay visits to Edith Bouvier Beale, nearing 80, and her daughter Edie. Reclusive, the pair live with cats and raccoons in Grey Gardens, a crumbling mansion in East Hampton. Edith is dry and quick-witted – a singer, married but later separated, a member of high society. Edie is voluble, dresses – as she puts it – for combat in tight ensembles that include scarves wrapped around her head. There are hints that Edie came home 24 years before to be cared for rather than to care for her mother. The women address the camera, talking over each other, moving from the present to events years before. They’re odd, with flinty affection for each other. Written by {jhailey@hotmail.com}

Seventy-nine year old Edith Bouvier Beale and her fifty-six year old daughter, Edith ‘Little Edie’ Bouvier Beale, are Jacqueline Kennedy’s aunt and cousin. Living alone with several cats, fleas and raccoons (the latter, wild, which live in the attic but who Edie feeds), the Beale’s are discovered living in filth and squalor in Grey Gardens, their 28-room family mansion located in East Hampton, Long Island, the mansion which doesn’t even have running water. Edie moved home twenty-four years earlier to care for her ailing mother. In what Edie considers a “raid” on their privacy, the Suffolk County Board of Health orders the Beale’s to clean up the house or be evicted. With few exceptions, the Beale’s are suspicious of the outside world. The Beale’s comply with the order and renovate the house with financial help from their more famous relative. Mother and daughter are outwardly combative with each other, but their constant bickering masks a protective attitude each has for the other. Both cling to their past lives, with each still believing that that life can exist, Edith as a singer, and Edie as a social débutante (Edie is always sporting a fashionable scarf around her head). Old habits die hard as even two years after renovations on the home have begun, Edith lives primarily in her bedroom in her twin bed which is covered with garbage and cats, who use the corner of the room as a bathroom. And Edie constantly dreams of a time when she can return to living in New York City as a débutante and dancer, although one realizes that she is only using her mother as an excuse for what she really considers her comfortable current living situation.

MOVIE:
Grey Gardens (2009) (TV)
Based on the life stories of the eccentric aunt and first cousin of Jackie Onassis (both named Edith Bouvier Beale aka “Big and Little Edie”) raised as Park Avenue débutantes but who withdrew from New York society, taking shelter at their Long Island summer home, “Grey Gardens.” As their wealth and contact with the outside world dwindled, so did their grasp on reality. They were reintroduced to the world when international tabloids learned of a health department raid on their home, and Jackie swooped in to save her relatives.

You know you’re happy when you decide to switch auto insurance providers, and end up getting a deal that drops your monthly payment down almost $25. Yes, I’m VERY happy right now. I knew that Progressive was charging me too much… but, I never took care of it. I just paid my fee, each month. One call to Geico, and now I have a new policy, and I’m spending less money.

Now that mom is back, this pristine house is now a wreck. We’ve torn the garage apart, box by box, and brought many items into the house. There are piles EVERYWHERE! But, it won’t last for more than a couple weeks. We’re joining in on the neighborhood garage sale, Saturday, June 6th, and we’re selling a TON of crap. I don’t care how much, or little, we make. It will be so nice to FINALLY have all this junk gone. And whatever we don’t sell, we will be donating to AmVets. That’s right… goodbye forever. And, hopefully hello clean garage!!! Well, at least more organized garage, with less junk.

My mom is on the plane, and on her way back home to SD. I can’t wait to go pick her up in less than 2 1/2 hours. I miss my mom, a lot. And I’m really looking forward to see her face and reactions to everything that I’ve done to the house. I’ve been so bored, I even polished all the wood in her bedroom and the kitchen, this morning. Sheesh, had she stayed away any longer, she wouldn’t have recognized this house, at all, upon her return.

A true friend is one who not only basks with you in the sunlight, but stands by you in the shade, and holds your hand through the darkest of nights.

~Kris Rucker

LMAO I got this, in an email, from my Aunt Judy. It’s just too cute to NOT share:

“If you’re motivated to be of service to others while being authentically detached from the outcome, you’ll feel on purpose, regardless of how much abundance flows back to you.”

Never do something with expectations of receiving something in return. It just doesn’t work that way. And when you give of yourself, in a genuine way, you feel such a reward, inside, that you don’t need anything else.