Okay, time for American Idol, and I’m looking forward to tonight’s show, because we get to see each contestant have a much broader range from where they pull a song from. They aren’t stuck within one genre, and I think that sometimes that’s needed on here. Tonight’s theme: Top downloads.

Anoop Desai starts off the night with, “Caught Up” by Usher. Ummmmmm, Usher, you ain’t, Anoop! If you’re going to perform his music, at least be able to dance. Standing there, in all honesty, made your performance BORING! And why in the hell aren’t they doing SOMETHING about giving you a make-over? SERIOUSLY!! (Yes, I’m going to complain about this, every single week, until you look different.) That caterpillar above your eyes is really distracting when watching you. Vocally, he was just ok. Nothing to write home about, and I will have forgotten this by the end of the night.

Megan Corkrey follows up with, “Turn Your Lights Down Low” by Bob Marley/Lauryn Hill. Ummmmmmmm, WHAT? Can you say, KISS OF DEATH!? Horrible performance. Her vocals were off throughout the entire song, and the arrangement was so bland. I just wanted to hit the fast forward button, on my remote, and then remembered that it was live!!! DAMN IT! I don’t want to feel like this about her, because I LOVE, LOVE, LOOOOOVE her voice (when she doesn’t screw up). Even Zinny was freaked it. She was clawing to get under the pillow and cover her ears!! Just because you LIKE a song doesn’t mean that you should SING it. (I said that about a minute before Randy did! We’re on the same wave length tonight, Dawg!)

Danny Gokey is going to sing, “What Hurts The Most” by Rascal Flatts. Let me say that I LOOOOOOOOOVE this song, and this band. And I pray that he can do it justice. Danny looks good! And he sounds great. I loved the woman, sitting on the stage and, playing the violin. The competition FINALLY started for the night. I really enjoyed it, and Zinny came out from under the pillow, curled up in my lap, and is purring and making “gooey” eyes at the man! (Hmmmmmmmm, I’m going to have to keep an eye on my cat!) And now, I’m two-for-two with Randy (I made the comment, to my mom, about how the competition finally started, and then Randy said the same thing, shortly after!!!!)

Allison Iraheta WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING? She’s going to sing, “Don’t Speak” by No Doubt. Ohhhhh, I like her with the guitar. And she is reminding me of Dilana (she was on Rockstar a couple years ago) who has a voice I’m CRAZY over. That gritty voice tonight was good, but off. I’m worried that it could put her in jeopardy of the bottom three. Though, unless VFTW fills the phone lines for Megan, than Allison will be safe. All of the judges cracked me up with their comments about her outfit. Yes, it was a wee bit distracting… but, she’s young, and sheesh… shouldn’t a person be allowed to wear what they want?

Scott MacIntyre is up next with, “Just The Way You Are” by Billy Joel. WTF did they do to his hair? And why, if they can do his, why, why, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy aren’t they doing something for Anoop? Huh? It’s a really good performance, and I think that this might save him from being in the bottom three this week. While I don’t think that he belongs in the top of the top… I think that he did a lot better than Anoop or Megan. I really wish that he’d put sunglasses on though.

Matt Giraud is performing, “You Found Me” by The Fray. I love how he’s standing at the keyboard, in the midst of “fans” surrounding him. Love his voice… the boy has such sweet vocals. One of the best, tonight, in my opinion. I don’t know WHY the judges didn’t like it. Sheesh, it’s amazing how Adam gets praise, up one side, and down the other, for showing alllllllllllllllllll these different sides to him. Yet, Matt doesn’t something like tonight, and they practically persecute him. I searched the screen for a hammer and nails, but couldn’t find any…. so, he’s safe.

Lil Rounds is taking on “Surrender” by Celine Dion! Oh no she isn’t. Yes, she’s actually going to TRY and take on a performer like Celine. INSANE IN THE BRAIN!!! INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE!!! Lil shoots, and misses, by a mile… in my opinion. I didn’t like it. Her voice cracked, several times. And she shouted more than she sang. Notice how AFTER all the judges sort of knocked her down a peg or two, Ryan puts Lil’s two girls on the camera, and tugs at everyones heartstrings? Hmmmmmmmm… can we say “MILKING FOR VOTES” or something? Though, it was sweet seeing Ryan put the one kid in Randy’s arms, and they just hugged.

Adam Lambert is doing “Play That Funky Music” by Wild Cherry. Hmmmmm… can the white boy do that? Yes! He not only can… he did. The ONLY thing that I have to complain about was his hair. HATED IT! I like his loose hair, in his face. That’s him. This do isn’t. Is he TRYING to channel Elvis or something? Anyway… Adam, in my opinion, has more ARTISTICAL talent, than all the other contestants, combined. His vocal range blows me away. AHHH-MAZE-ING!!! And what a good boy, thanking the band.

Ummmmmmmmmm, Kara, I think that it’s Studio 54, not 57.

Kris Allen, closing up the show tonight, performing “Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers. LOVE. THIS. SONG. Every time I hear it, I’m reminded of the movie, “Notting Hill” with Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant… the scene where he’s walking down the street, and the weather keeps changing while walking, and this song is playing. Beautiful performance. Soft, yet powerful in a couple spots. I liked the four musicians on the stage with him. Best of the night, in my humble opinion. The dark horse steps up to the plate, swings, and knocks it OUT OF THE PARK!!

Ratings from best to worst, for me:

1. Kris Allen
2. Matt Giraud
3. Adam Lambert
4. Danny Gokey
5. Scott MacIntyre
6. Allison Iraheta
7. Lil Rounds
8. Anoop Desai
9. Megan Corkrey

Who I think WILL go home tomorrow night?

Sigh… Megan. And that’s a shame, because she HAS the vocal quality I love, but she’s just been so off the past three weeks. And she’s made really bad song choices.

Who I WANT to go home?

Anoop or Scott

The bottom three….

I think that we might see Megan, Allison and Anoop down there!!!
IF VoteForTheWorst blasts the phone lines for Megan though, she will be safe, again.

Match up with the “forthcomingness” of the universal mind from which everyone and everything originates while extending it outward, and you’ll attract back to yourself all that you intend to manifest.

“Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.”
~ The Bard

This seems like it should be so very easy to do. Yet, it’s something that I’m sure we all struggle to do.

It’s easy to love many people, and I do only trust (really trust) a few close people. But, I’m sure that I more than do wrong to many. Even if it’s something as simple as turning a blind eye to a person in need.

Every day of life is precious if we appreciate it. Pain can deepen our appreciation of life or make us bitter.

1. Are you single?
Yes (and I like it that way)

2. Are your parents still married?
No, because my father is deceased.

3. Are you in love?
Nope… had the wool removed from covering my eyes.

4. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Love in the sense of lust, or connection. But, true love… no. You need to really know a person, and have them know you, for real love to develop.

5. Who ended your last relationship?
She did, but then tried to be my friend, and I put a QUICK end to that.

6. Have you ever been hurt by a break up?
Oh yeah… crushed!

7. Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
Unfortunately

8. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
Yeppers

9. Prefer love or lust?
Love… because, then, when you’re in love, you two can have lustful moments!

10. Prefer a few best friends or many regular friends?
A few close friends

11. Wild night out or romantic night in?
I prefer to stay in, whether it’s romantic or not.

12. Back in the day: Been caught sneaking out?
LMAO Ohhhhh yeah!

13. Ever wanted something/someone so badly it hurt?
Yes, I have.

14. Who are/is your best friend(s)?
Heidi, Diane, and my mom.

15. Ever wanted to disappear?
Yes, many times…

16. First attraction: Smile or eyes?
It’s allllllllllll in the eyes!!!

17. Prefer intelligence or attraction?
Attraction, initially… but, if you don’t have intelligence, I get bored, really quick. I need intellictual conversation. I want to have my mind stirred with interest.

18. Last phone call you received?
Last one received was from my friend Samantha… discussing the possibility of cutting my hair.

19. Last thing you drank?
Crystal Light lemonade

20. Before your current one, when was your last relationship?
No current relationship… and it’s been 5 months of being single. It’s nice.

21. Do you and your family get along?
I get alone exceptionally well with my mother.

22. Would you say you have a “screwed up life”?
Well, I’ve done a lot of things to screw my life up, over the years. And I have situations that I’d rather not be dealing with. But, life is what you make of it.

23. Have you ever gotten kicked out somewhere? If yes, do tell.
Yes, I was kicked out of my home, when I was 17, because my dad found out that I was a lesbian, and couldn’t handle having a “Fucking faggot in him family.”

24. Do you trust all your friends?
Ummmmm, trust is a word that has many different levels. I trust my friends, to an extent. My closest friends, I trust with my life.

25. Who knows the most about you?
Hmmmmm…. probably a tie between my mom, Heidi and Jill. They all know A LOT about me, in different areas.

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
‘Cause I saw the end before we’d begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what’s mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won’t stop there,
I am here for you if you’d only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I’ve kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I’ve been addicted to you.

[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can’t break my spirit – it’s my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you smile.
I’ve watched you sleeping for a while.
I’d be the father of your child.
I’d spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We’ve had our doubts but now we’re fine,
And I love you, I swear that’s true.
I cannot live without you.

[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I’m asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I’m kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow.
I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow.
I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow.
I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow.

It’s been months, and it’s time for me to bury the love that my heart and soul, so desperately, holds on to. I will always carry a small torch for you, because I felt something, with you, that was never tapped into before, for me. There was something so different with you… yet, you destroyed my faith in relationships. I always wanted to be with someone, and then you entered my life. Now, after what happened, I’m at a place, and have been here, for months, of just wanting to be single, and alone. Wherever you are, I hope that you’re happy, and finding what you need. It certainly wasn’t me. Though, I had wished it could have been. Now, looking back, I realize that you were all wrong for me. We are two completely opposite people. I don’t think that it could have ever worked, no matter how much we tried.

Goodbye my lover… goodbye my love.

I never transcribed my notes, from Wednesday’s performances. Okay, so I’m a couple days late!!! So sue me! :-p

Matt Giraud – “Lets Get It On” by Marvin Gaye.
Loved the interaction between Matt and Smokey Robinson during his practice time. It was really nice to see how Smokey spoke to him. Loved him starting off on the piano, then grabbing the microphone and working the stage. His vocals were smooooooooth (and that falsetto makes me swoon)!

I’m totally laughing at Kara’s comment: “I bet that there are a lot of girls out there saying, ‘Yeah, lets get it on!’”

Kris Allen – “How Sweet It Is” by Marvin Gaye.
Awesome praise from Smokey. Loved his intro & then the band and back-up singers joining in. Kris’ voice was really pleasant tonight. I love this performance, and felt that he picked a good song.

Scott MacIntyre – “You Can’t Hurry Love” by The Surpremes.
First off… WHO IN THE BLOODY HELL PUT THAT BOY IN PINK PANTS?! I would be PISSED OFF! He looked horrid. I hated his performance, from start to finish. Scott’s time on AI is coming to a near end, in my opinion! And this performance should land him in the bottom three.

LMAO Oh gods… Paula whipping out those coloring books and crayons, and giving them to Simon!!! GROW UP!

Megan Joy Corkrey – “For Once In My Life” by Stevie Wonder
Sounded great during rehearsals with Smokey. Then, she stepped on stage, and that song totally overwhelmed her. The arrangement was horrible, her vocals were alllllllllllll over the place, and it really sounded BLECK! I’m a HUGE fan of Megan’s… but, she will end up in the bottom three (unless her fans… ME being one… vote our asses off to keep her in this competition!).

Randy hit the nail on the head. “Slow it down and use that vibrato!”

Paula… PLEASE, either shut up with your fashion comments, or get a job as a panel judge on America’s Next Top Model. Seriously… this is a SINGING competition. Give relevant feedback, or shut up!

Anoop Desai – “Ooh Baby Baby” by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles.
This boy needs a 9-1-1 make-over, ASAP! Seriously, someone in Hollywood, can’t you make him LOOK better?
I absolutely, 100%, LOVED this performance. Anoop and that falsetto, tonight, will keep him safe for another week. Beautiful and tender!!!

Michael Sarver – “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg” by The Temptations
Hmmmmmmmmm, while he listened to Smokey’s advice, this was NOT a good song choice for him…. and he will be in the bottom three. He didn’t SHOW the emotion that the lyrics of this song call for. WHY, WHY, WHYYYYYYYYYYY do contestants insist on singing songs, with such deeply emotional lyrics, and have a smile on their face? It completely RUINS the performance.

Lil Rounds – “Heat Wave” by Martha and the Vandellas
I loved her look tonight. That flapper dress was soooo pretty. I wasn’t crazy about the hair, but she took on the Motown look, from head-to-toe. Loved her interaction with the back-up singers. Lil is totally comfortable on the stage. But, while it was a good performance, I think that she should have been able to BLOW US AWAY for Motown week, and she didn’t.

Paula – WHAT is in that Coke cup of yours?

Kara – I love how constructive she is with her comments. THIS is what the judges panel has been SEVERELY lacking, for the last 7 seasons.

Adam Lambert – “Tracks Of My Tears” by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles.
OMG… who in the hell is that? THAT IS ADAM LAMBERT? Holy hell!!!!!! Dude looks like a young Elvis, or a young Kurt Russell. WOW! Complete make-over, from top to bottom. How nice it is to see him tone down the stage looks. And let me say… that performance was AH-MAY-ZING!!! The emotion on his face (that’s what I’m talking about people) and the standing O he received from Smokey and Kara, totally blew me away.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…. I love the VitaWater commercial, with Carrie Underwood. I never get tired of it.

Danny Gokey – “Get Ready” by The Temptations.
*tsk tsk* You tell Smokey that you’re totally going to take his advice, and then, you don’t!!!!! Dude, I can understand that you didn’t NEED to sing those extra phrases, but I would have said something, after the performance, as to WHY you didn’t. Because Smokey has been in this biz a long-ass time! I think that he knows a thing or two. It was a fairly good performance, but I wasn’t excited like usual. Each week, I’m less impressed! I don’t know why.

OMG! Paula, WTF is up with that comment, to Ryan, about you having things hidden “under your skirt!” Come on! This is NATIONAL tv, and there are a lot of young people watching! You have zero scruples!!!

Allison Iraheta – “Papa Was A Rolling Stone” by The Temptations.
Oh wow… the opening funky music reminds me of “Shaft” SMOOTH! Damn, this girl can SANG! (Yes, I said sAng, and not sIng!!!) I don’t know WHAT I can say that I’ve not already said in previous weeks. She amazes me. I can’t believe that such an “old soul” is coming from that young girl. I love how she “moves” through lyrics, so fast, and it just runs perfectly.

Simon… drawing a mustache on Paula? SERIOUSLY? Please, grow up! This “act” between you two is over-done!!

Okay… bottom three, in my opinion:
Michael, Megan, Scott

Best performances tonight:
Allison and Adam! Both blew me away!!!!

(Well, I was right, again…. Michael left on Thursday night!)

Ranunculus at the Carlsbad Flower Fields

“Study nature, love nature, stay close to nature. It will never fail you.”
~Frank Lloyd Wright

I went to the Carlsbad Flower Fields, today, with my mom and aunt. It was a PERFECT San Diego day. You know, where the sun is brilliantly bright, the temperature isn’t too terribly warm, and there is still a nice breeze to accompany it. Then, you get to take in some of the beautiful things that nature gifts to us. And to top it all off, you spend that time with two of the most important people to your life.

Walking around, just taking in the different flowers, and all the colors of the palate. I felt like I was walking in a piece of heaven. The ONLY thing that could have made this better would have been a view of the ocean. Still, it was another breath-taking day.

As I was walking around, looking at the flowers, and taking pictures, I found myself feeling happy, and at peace. For a moment there were no thoughts of legal issues, unemployment, a crashing economy, etc… It was one of those moments in time where it’s just that moment that you’re existing in.

Carlsbad Flower Fields

There’s always something beautiful to be experienced wherever you are. Right now, look around you and select beauty as your focus.

So, right now I’m looking out the window into my back yard. I can see the green grass. I can see the sky, with some white, thin clouds… as the sun is staring it’s descent. I can see a tree. There is such perfect beauty in nature.

It is very easy, at times, to forget to stop and take a look around… to find the beauty of any given moment. There is so much in life that is “ugly” like war, homeless, disease, a failing economy, ignorance, racism… oh, I could keep going. Yes, there is much ugliness. But, there is also such breath-taking beauty.

I like to sit on the beach as the sun is setting. I like to hear the waves crashing upon the shore, and watch the sky change, and blend, colors. I like to feel the breeze through my hair, and against my skin. I like smelling the sea. I don’t think that there are many things more beautiful than such a moment as that. Yet, I forget to take the time to soak in those moments, and cherish them for what they truly are.

I need to take time to observe the beauty of life all around me. Because, in all honesty, it doesn’t cost me a cent to do that. It’s free, it’s soul-filling, and refreshing.

What do you find, my friends, to be “beautiful” for you?

Ive got you under my skin
Ive got you deep in the heart of me
So deep in my heart, that youre really a part of me
Ive got you under my skin

Ive tried so not to give in
Ive said to myself this affair never will go so well
But why should I try to resist, when baby will I know than well
That Ive got you under my skin

Id sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having you near
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
And repeats, repeats in my ear

Dont you know you fool, you never can win
Use your mentality, wake up to reality
But each time I do, just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin
cause Ive got you under my skin

How is it possible, when it’s been MONTHS since I’ve even seen her face, to STILL feel this love? She won’t leave my mind. I see her in my dreams. I hear something and it immediately brings thoughts of her to my mind. I see her vehicle, everywhere. I can’t stop thinking about her… yet, I don’t understand why. She never gave me her heart… nor did she really open up and let me in. She didn’t even treat me like a friend. Yet, my heart STILL aches for those perfect moments, when we were together, away from the world. I want to move on from her. I’m doing a lot better. But, I still love her. Or maybe it’s just that I love the idea of her.

Please, I want to let you go. I don’t want your ghost in my life. It’s time for you to leave me alone. I just don’t know HOW to make that ghost leave. I don’t know how to stop wanting back what we shared, so damn briefly. I don’t want another. I’m happy being single… but, I also don’t want to want you.